Chaos with Cait

Every forward motion has a shadow pulling me backwards. I take one step, and then I second guess. I feel unsure of the direction I’m supposed to go in, when the darkness lingers, but the light still catches my eye. So I take another step, simply hoping to make it out alive.

I carry the ghost of a kinder world inside of my chest, and it rattles the bones of me until I dare to believe.

Thoughts are not facts. A lesson to remember.

Capitalism tried to price my worth. Men tried to name me. Yet still, I answered by existing without shrinking.

Life is unfair. I remember my step dad reciting that same sentence to me when I was a child. During my tantrums because you know, things weren’t going my way. I wish I understood the magnitude of that statement at the time. But I didn’t. In my brain, he was just being unfair as well. However as I’ve aged, I’ve come to understand what he meant. Life is unfair. And maybe that's not something you ever learn to fix. Just something you learn to live with.

The moon told me that even my shadows are sacred. I think I am finally starting to believe her.

The storm didn’t ask permission. Neither did the flowers that found me afterwards.