Chaos with Cait

I’ve been told that love is a gamble. I have been taught to keep my cards close, yet somehow still, my ADHD hands want to turn them over. I want to take the chance, I want to feel the rush.

Mornings start in battle, not against the sun, but the body I wake inside. My body bargains with me in whispers and threats. Every movement is taxed, and every breath is a ledger line. I rage at it. I call my body names you cannot say in polite rooms. I curse the cells that chose mutiny over loyalty. I scream at the mirror until the glass fogs from breath, with proof that I am still here. But still, the air, something so basic turns predator when I’m not paying attention. I w

I care too much, about almost everything. This has created immense stress, and problems for me.

The dragon breathes fire, when she so desires.

She was never small. The world simply built rooms that could not hold her hunger for more.

I cannot untangle the burdens of my own life. Yet I keep showing up where I can, when I can. It doesn’t solve a thing. Still, for a moment, I feel lighter.

Rebuilding my life from ruin, has been the hardest thing to accept as true.