Chaos with Cait

The plan dissolved like sugar in tea. All that’s left is sweetness and the ache of what might’ve been.

My tears watered the ground, and something in me began to grow.

I can’t chase friendships any longer. My feet are broken, my legs too tired to keep running after people who never noticed I was limping. Most days I spend all my strength trying not to die, trying to make it to tomorrow without becoming another thing I’ve lost If I loved you, I will always love you. Distance doesn’t erase affection. Silence doesn’t mean resentment. It only means that survival has become my full time occupation. So if I stopped reaching, it wasn’t because you

Break free, love. Let fear fall like old petals that you’ve outgrown. You were made to shine, and the world has been waiting for your color.

Pickles, tiny little hearts in brine, thank you. For the salt, the sour, the garlic and the crunch. Your small green selves are testimony that even a ghost can keep something alive. Perhaps it is love that keeps my heart beating. Perhaps it is pickles. Either way, I am grateful.

I cried myself to sleep, four times this week. But tomorrow will be better, right?

I have been working on healing, my very angry and judgmental heart.