Chaos with Cait

I want to taste the world, I want to drink sunlight until I am drunk on being alive.

Her body is a library that survived the burning. Every breath of hers, is a page still being written.

Mornings start in battle, not against the sun, but the body I wake inside. My body bargains with me in whispers and threats. Every movement is taxed, and every breath is a ledger line. I rage at it. I call my body names you cannot say in polite rooms. I curse the cells that chose mutiny over loyalty. I scream at the mirror until the glass fogs from breath, with proof that I am still here. But still, the air, something so basic turns predator when I’m not paying attention. I w

She was never small. The world simply built rooms that could not hold her hunger for more.

I cannot untangle the burdens of my own life. Yet I keep showing up where I can, when I can. It doesn’t solve a thing. Still, for a moment, I feel lighter.

I water uncertainty like a garden, trusting that it knows how to bloom.

The loudest hate comes from the ones closest to me. I know exactly who they are, and still, I let them breathe. They couldn’t survive a single day inside my skin, yet they critique the way I carry its weight. Sometimes, I’d spend my last dime just to watch them try.. and fail.

Sun-kissed, Lounging, Champagne, Floating, Laughter, Exploring, Down-time, Enjoying, Existing, Remembering the things that I have been missing.

Time stares at me unmoving, as my heartbeat runs laps.

I have found life to be a thrill, even with all of the ups and downs. Through my journey I have found how much strength I carry. There is not a thing that I would change in this life that I was given, because every moment has had a purpose, and I am stronger and more grateful because of it.

Magic falls from her smile, when she hasn’t seen you in a while.

I rise, not to prove you wrong, just to remember that I was always right.

My laughter is a spell, whispered into the fabric of the world. A soft incantation bending the spine of time, letting hours dissolve into sudden eternity, as moonlight gathers in the palms of my hands and ordinary moments bloom into constellations.

I didn’t know how brave I was, until I chose to stay for another breath. And then, another, and another.

Some days, survival for me is making the choice to drink water, to breathe deeply and simply do my best to just stay.

Your doubt is too small a weapon to pierce my becoming. I rise again, even after the ashes.

I am not of this world, yet this world clings to me just as ivy clings to a crumbling wall.

Hope doesn’t ask for certainty. Hope only asks that you stay soft, long enough to listen. It is okay to become a “delusional” believer. Trust in yourself, have faith and life will soon become clearer.

I have laid down my sword. The war no longer needs my fire. So If this is surrender, let it be gentle. A soft return to myself.

The glass is fragile but the sand is endless, and unafraid. Time is always ticking and yet, it is not about what you’ve lost, but where time could take you instead. So be fragile, be endless, be unafraid.