Chaos with Cait

My individuality is a universe, and I honor its constellation.

Stand where you are. For the horizon bends to those stay true.

I crave laughter that leaves my ribs aching. Because laughter is the proof I need, to know that I have finally come back to myself.

Every time I decide the earth shakes. I am the ground that has moved deep from within the Earth’s plates. Change is only scary when you wish to remain the same. I decide what to decide and I do not break.

Life will get fun again, my love. You will find your footing. You will one day soon find yourself in a position you thought only possible in your wildest dreams. Stay, stay faithful.

I am satisfied with life. I do not just get by I thrive.

My ribs forget they were made to move. Breath becomes a rumor my body no longer believes in.

She’s always been such a kind soul the kind that made you feel like you were right at home.

I speak to the wind often. I ask where should I go next? And it answers me with movement only reminding me to dance, to flow, to freestyle for a change.

The unknown lures me, because it is the only place I still feel infinite.

One day, I will look back at the ruin and understand the trembling was not my breaking, it was the ghost of the person I had to leave behind.

My attitude is vicious, it bites, barks and leaves people all scarred. I wish it wasn’t this way. However, I do not trust easily and on normal days I am still in pain. I struggle to let you close to me, I snip at your hand the moment it reaches out. Don’t see me. Please ignore me. Maybe hug me. Offer me condolences as I put myself back together in this cold world. It’s not personal, it’s simply the only way I’ve learned to protect me, and keep myself somewhat whole.

Perhaps readiness is only the courage to stay open. Even when the wind is carrying uncertainty, and damaged debris from a past still passing through.

My patience these days is non existent. I’m easily irritated by microscopic things. Maybe I am overwhelmed. Maybe I feel unsettled. Maybe I’ve just had enough. Maybe I just can’t find my footing. I am not sure what the source is really. And yet, here I am with little to no patience left to give.

I remember the days when I knew so much about you, your inner world and the pieces of you few others knew. I remember the days we used to speak from sun up to sun down. I remember feeling so close to you, I could have been a part of your own skin.

I used to want people to understand me like so badly. Not anymore. Somewhere along the way I simply stopped caring and completely embodied the version of myself that cannot please everybody. Thankfully.

I wait for you to notice me. I have never left your side my wings flutter above you softly, yet rapidly most times just out of sight. I have been praying for your softness to come back to the light. So we might be able to sit, talk and laugh for a while. I am always here for you. So, remember me and perhaps one day we’ll kiss again.

Forgiveness lives in her mouth, but so does fire.

Oops, I did it again. I chose myself. I left a place that made me unhappy. I did it on my terms. I chose to be fearless. I chose to have faith. I did the things I needed to do to allow myself to become great.

Depression is a thief who first steals all of your color and then, somehow convinces you there was never any color at all.