Chaos with Cait

Forever isn’t long enough, if you ask me. Matter of fact, I don’t even know if “forever” is a real thing. What I do know is that in this life there are moments where I wish I could make the clock freeze. I want to bottle these moments of laughter, and joy. I want to keep them forever. Forever seems like a long time in theory. But have we ever even seen anyone make it there? I’m not sure I have. So, I have been choosing to live life a little more present. I have been slowing t

I sip the thought of you like a heated tea on a cold almost spring morning burning, but necessary. The thoughts consumed me, and suddenly I could no longer put my tea down. I found myself in a spiral of all the could haves, the should haves, or perhaps even the would haves. I started questioning things again, asking what could all this life stuff actually be about? I bet you think that I never think of you, but the truth is, that I do. And in the moments that I think of you

I am allowed to change, just like the seasons. So I am choosing to rewrite myself in sunlight. I am choosing to let go of all that I cannot control. I will be frolicking with whimsy again.

Sleep is not rest for me. Sleep is just my quieter version of drowning.

Hope feels too bright for these hands, but I keep reaching anyway.

Wanting you felt like holding a storm inside my chest.

He loves me best when it costs him nothing. Late nights. Loose promises. Affection on clearance. He calls this chemistry. I call it convenience. This type of love is a hunger that shows up full and leaves me empty. He wants my body without the responsibility of my heart. He dares ask for my softness without offering any stewardship. He thinks that he gets to experience my magic, without putting in the effort of learning its language. Modern men love in fragments. Half texts.

The storm didn’t leave me clean, the storm left me open. But joy still found its way in anyways.

I invite my heart to open again, to lay its old fears down like tired shoes at the door. What was, does not get to decide what is becoming. I step forward, curious and hopeful. Because, If love has taught me anything, it is that it always finds a way to win.

There is a place where sickness cannot follow. It lives just past the horizon, where the air is soft, the sun is bright and the sky remembers your name. Here, the rivers run with laughter, and the trees grow tall from every dream you thought you’d lost. And in this peaceful place, when you walk, the ground glows gently beneath your feet. A quiet applause for every time you stayed. There are no hospitals here, no scans, no waiting rooms full of whispers. Only wind, light, and

Some nights the moon feels closer than life’s answers.

Love is true even when people are not. Love waits beyond the noise for those who keep believing. Do you believe me?

The plan unraveled And what’s left, is the quiet thrill of beginning again. So, I return back to start eager to begin again.

If the cards had fallen differently, I might have been soft. Perhaps I would have been a young lady who bloomed without the fire, a girl who laughed more than she cried. If the cards had fallen differently, maybe I would trust the morning to keep its promises. Maybe my mother would have stayed sober long enough to teach me how to love gently. Maybe my father would have shown up and stayed long enough for me to believe I was worth staying for. Maybe my body would not have betr

Love arrived the moment I stopped reaching, and finally started getting comfortable receiving. Only then was I able to anchor.

The world moves on, but I stay still like a ghost afraid of being seen. Can you see me? Can I even see me?

I smile so no one asks, I crack jokes and try to make people laugh but my eyes still ache from holding back the flood.

Love is the light that answers back, when fear finally stops speaking. A quiet glow across the soul that waits beneath the noise of doubt.

I remember the moment, when I first saw you. The world stood still on its axis, and the air began moving in slow motion. Mesmerized I was by your souls beauty.

I locked the door and called it healing I named the silence safe. But in the stillness, I hear whispers of what I left behind. And I wonder Did I trade the warmth of risk for the cold comfort of loneliness?