I Don’t Miss The Darkness

I used to believe that pain made me powerful.

That my worth was measured by how much I could carry without falling.

I made a home in the ache,

sang lullabies to my suffering,

called it depth, called it real.

But now I know

that endurance is not the same as healing.

I do not miss the tight chest, the trembling silence, the way I carved myself into something small just to survive.

I do not miss the praise I got for being unbreakable,

especially when I was breaking the whole time.

I want softness without shame.

I want days where I don’t bleed just to feel something.

I want joy without a battle first.

I do not miss the darkness;

It taught me, yes

but I outgrew the lesson.

Now, I choose light

not because I forgot how it felt to drown,

but because I remember all of it.

And still,

I swim towards the shore.