Joy Without Permission

I used to ask the world if it was okay to smile.

I would ask If it was safe to laugh out loud,

to dance when no one else was moving.

I used to wait for the storm to pass before I lit the candle.

But now,

I bring joy to the rain.

I sing through thunder,

and I let my laughter echo in the spaces that once held screams.

No one gave me permission, no one had to.

I stopped waiting for the apologies that never came.

I stopped thinking healing had to be quiet.

I wear color now,

not to be seen, but to feel myself blooming.

I love boldly,

softly,

without bracing for impact.

I take up space.

I rest without guilt.

I say yes to things that make my heart leap, and no to what doesn’t.

I used to think I had to earn this.

Now I know that this joy was always mine.

I just had to stop asking for directions from people who never left the dark.

So if you see me smiling on a day that doesn’t make sense to you,

just know,

I didn’t ask,

and I won’t stop.